New Adventures!

It’s about to get real, friends. I might as well be vulnerable and open about my life, and share with you why I’m here in the first place if I’m going to take you on this journey with me. I’m so excited, but also nervous at the challenges this will bring. Thank you for all your love and support along the way.

I don’t really know what to write about. My decision to go on this trip is somewhat thought-out, but it’s more of a gut-decision that I just feel is right at this moment of my life. I used to listen to myself. I used to be confident in my decisions. I used to feel energetic and positive about the future. But at some point, I became unsure of myself. I started to doubt my decisions, and second guess myself in many areas. And felt tired when I thought about my future. I don’t ever remember feeling this much anxiety in college (I don’t think I really knew what anxiety was) and now I’m always overthinking and stressing about different things. Not only work, but many other aspects of my life, were leading me to feel unfulfilled and searching for a sense of worth, energy, and engagement.

I knew I needed to make a change, but I was scared. And any of the easy decisions didn’t feel right or weren’t sufficient enough to make a change (go to therapy, change jobs, exercise and eat well, etc.) All of these things would help me feel a little better, but it was time to make a big change. But I was scared. I wasn’t sure if I could do it, and I didn’t know where to start. And I honestly don’t remember when this journey – the idea of moving abroad – really became reality. But at the beginning of 2019, I was ready to start making a change. I began planning my first trip to Mexico through a language program. I would go by myself, but it would be structured, and I could count on the program to take me on excursions, to make friends, and ease through the program without it being too intense. So in April, I took off to my language program in Cuernavaca, Morelos, Mexico. I chose it based on a recommendation from a friend. To say my expectations were met would be incorrect. I was the only student in my level, I stayed by myself with a host family, and there were no excursions through the school because it wasn’t a very popular time to be doing this program. All of my “safety nets” were gone, and I couldn’t skate by. I didn’t have a choice but to put myself out there, and I still am so amazed with myself (humble brag?) that I rose to the challenge. I had been so down for a while, and I was very uncomfortable and vulnerable, but I asked questions, planned trips, and got the information I needed to travel, explore, and develop relationships with people who I was scared to communicate with. My Spanish, while still intermediate, was enough for me to not just get by, but to really dive into the experience.

The people I met and spent time with, and the places I visited, brought me so much more energy and positivity. I knew I had to make a more permanent change in order to repair some of the ways that I was feeling broken in my life. It was a while until I took really action toward change, but I began thinking about what I wanted to do next. I started to think about my timeline, knowing my lease would end by the end of August. But the real test came when I was offered a promotion at work in July. Turning down that job was the first real step toward making a big change. I solidified my timeline regarding work and moving out, and decided to move home to Wisconsin for a bit in order to get ready to make my next steps. I still didn’t have a solid plan yet, so it seemed like a good idea to take a break.

And just to be clear, that was a WONDERFUL idea. I got to spend time with people that I hadn’t seen in a while or I don’t get to see very often. I went camping, exercised, spent quality time with friends and family, and planned my next steps. I also did A LOT of second-guessing about my decisions because, which was not ideal, but my reality. And finally BOOKED A FLIGHT. After that, I felt much more confident moving forward. However, I still didn’t know what exactly I should do next. But that’s the great thing about time and conversations. Through talking out some of my motivations and interests with some great friends, I was able to come to sort through some uncertainties, and develop a more concrete plan. I will spend a month or two in Cuernavaca before heading off to other parts of the country to do some exploring. I’d love to see other parts of Mexico, and I’m not quite ready for a regular job. I’m excited to have the flexibility to visit places and enjoy my time there.

So here I am, on my way to Mexico City, armed with so much love and support from my incredible family and friends, ready to challenge myself in completely new ways and rediscover my energetic and confident self. I will be updating folks along the way, and I look forward to seeing some of you when you visit! Adios for now!