It's time.

Today is the day I was supposed to leave Mexico. Due to the pandemic, my flight was changed to this Thursday. But it seems fitting to take today to reflect on my experience here as a whole, and what leaving means for me. In my head, I’ve formulated lots of different blog posts, even sat down to write one, over the last few weeks, but I’ve been emotionally torn. I’ve wanted to push away reality, put my phone away and just be in the garden, enjoying the sun and breeze. But I’ve also been angry, concerned, distraught, and appalled at what was going on back home. I’m going to focus on the past and present first, and then address my future.

The last eight months in Mexico has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. It’s been a time of massive personal growth, and I’ve confronting and dealt with emotions that I never really wanted to deal with before. The therapeutic idea that I keep coming back to over and over again is distress tolerance. I don’t think I was very good at it before. I didn’t want to sit in discomfort, but rather find someone to take that discomfort away. But here, there was nowhere to go. I could hide out in my room, and sometimes that is what I did, but ultimately in order to make this work, I had to learn to tolerate the discomfort, and not let it dictate my actions for me. I learned to tolerate being confused, feeling out of place, being misunderstood and misunderstanding others, feeling intrusive, and feeling lonely. None of these feelings went away throughout my time here, but they stopped controlling me, and they no longer had as much power. I could more easily shift to address the feeling rather than let it control me. This is the mental lesson that I most want to take with me…that I can tolerate difficult things.

I’m so glad I was able to tolerate this discomfort, because the things that opened up to me when I did are things that I will never be able to replace. I’ve built so many relationships here, Beginning at home, with Tere. I’m so grateful that I ended up at her home over a year ago when I came here for the first time. When I think about why things happen as they happen, and how much of a blessing a small, insignificant decision can be, this is my number 1 example. There was not one other student like me in the 8 months I’ve been here, and it seems it’s not all that common for her to host short-term students. But the three weeks I was here last year, that was not the case. And just in that time, I knew I would be back, and that this relationship was something special. In the last three months, it’s been just the two of us at the house. Everyone was staying home as they were told, and it gave us a chance to really get to know each other better. We celebrated Mother’s Day and my birthday together, just the two of us, and I’m incredibly grateful that I have gotten to know such a beautiful soul who was willing to entertain my random ideas and gently teach me more about Mexican cooking, customs, and language.

Another relationship that I couldn’t be more grateful for is Tere’s son Jorge. Since I’ve come the first time, he was always so willing to help and guide, and offer suggestions about where to go and what to do. When I came back in October, we got to spend even more time together, and he was a strong support, first as a mentor, then a friend, and now a spiritual guide as well😉 He entertained my idea to have Thanksgiving dinner at the house, and helped buy and cook everything! And since then he’s been one of my favorite people to spend time with! I’m so glad we were able to spend a little more time together that quarantine wasn’t allowing for such a long time, and that I have a little more peace moving forward thanks for to a tarot card reading that he gifted me😊

There’s so much more, as well. The other family members that came in and out of the house, people in the community that I was able to get to know a little bit, various other locals when I travelled…I’ve felt so welcome the whole time I’ve been here. And its been a truly incredible experience seeing the most beautiful parts of a culture, country, history, and life. I don’t have a clear idea of what’s next for me, and there’s a lot more I wanted to do in my “sabbatical,” but it wasn’t in the cards this time around. One thing that I’m confident about though, is that I’m not done. I think this whole experience taught me that I really can do anything I want.

As I move forward, an area that I feel I’m beginning to explore and that I’m still looking to expand on, is my spiritual growth. I’m beginning to explore my connection to the people and things around me. I’ve done this through yoga and mindfulness meditation, exploring my own connection with my physical self, and surpassing the mind to explore what my Self really needs. But I’ve only scratched the surface, and it’s something that I now feel I have a few tools to continue to address. (Si hablas español, puedes seguir White Horus Tarot en Facebook por mas información😊) This spiritual work is coming to me among a backdrop of civil and social unrest in the country that I will now be returning to. I think it will be harder, but definitely more important, to maintain and continue to develop the spiritual work that I’ve begun. To continue to work on myself, and how I can best serve the causes that I care about the most. On any given day in regular life in the US, it can be hard for me to remain centered and grounded, and not the let the mind and it’s many intrusive and resistant thoughts get in the way of my true goals. And now, amid so much conflict, it will likely be more difficult.

The way I see it, and obviously this might change, is that I have about 4 months at home before things open up for potential international travel. At least at the end of 4 months, I’ll know more about what the future could potentially look like as far as travel is concerned. This is still my main priority. I have a job right now that I do very much enjoy and I still don’t feel ready to find a more mainstream position. I love the flexibility and freedom this gives me to travel, explore, and learn more about myself in the process. Ultimately, I just don’t feel like I’m done with Mexico just yet. I want to go back to Oaxaca, I still want to travel in the south of the country, and maybe I want to visit other countries as well, at least for a vacation! Regardless of what happens next, I’m preparing myself to go home to educate myself more fully on what’s going on in my country right now. I’ve gone quiet on social media because I don’t feel that it’s my platform to talk about progressive reform…I’d rather have these conversations in person. However, it doesn’t feel right to take up space with my own trivial things when I’d rather leave space for other voices to be heard. I’ve already been invited to a book club where we’ll be starting with The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas. I’m also going to be looking to see what the library has in the way of furthering my education on issues of white privilege and racism, and how the police system contributes to ongoing systemic racism. If anyone would like to read with me, discuss these topics with me, or has suggestions of reading material/research that they’ve found helpful or enlightening, I’m more than willing to have these conversations and do this homework. I’d very much like to practice having productive, educational conversations in which we are able to listen to each other and understand the other’s concerns.

Ultimately, this transition is one that I’m anxiously anticipating. I’ve learned a lot about myself, independently and in relation to other people, and I’m going to have a chance to prove these lessons to myself, likely repeatedly. This is a bittersweet transition, but it’s time. And I finally have some resolution with that! Thanks for listening, right now and to all of the adventures I’ve been posting about. There will be more to come! I can’t wait to see you all soon. Love, Becky

Life in the time of Corona

It’s been a while since I’ve had many adventures, but I thought I’d share how things are going here in Cuernavaca. It’s been exactly a month since I’ve returned from Oaxaca, and I’m doing my best to adjust to quarantine life. I’m here at the house that I’ve been staying at, with Tere and the two cats (I was corrected when I called them cats…they are los cositos preciosos), and taking care not to venture frequently, and to wear my facemask outside of the house, wash hands frequently, and use hand sanitizer when necessary.

Like the rest of the world, things are quiet outside, pretty tumultuous inside (my mind). I’ve been working from home for the last 5 months, so that part’s not new. But there’s a new anxiety that has fallen upon everyone and everything, and things just seem so much heavier. This is in STARK contrast to the world I’ve been living in for the last 5 months in which there were few worries, and happy travels. This experience is just so strange. It’s something I never thought we would be dealing with in my lifetime. It’s surreal, but so very real. In the last month, I’ve added to my caseload and extended my hours, and done my part to meet the growing mental health need. Through this I’ve learned just how unique each persons’ experience is. I’ve got some clients who are not working at all. Some are working from home. I have a few who are still working, and I’ve hardly talked to this group at all because they’re so busy. I have some clients trying to manage home schooling their kids while working. And all this on top of whatever brought them to therapy in the first place. All the while, I’m grateful for the position I’m in. I’m grateful to have a job, but one that’s not too stressful. I don’t deal with high risk clients that might be suffering from severe depression, or who might be in dangerous, abusive relationships locked at home with an abusive partner. I don’t work with kids, in which therapy would very much halt because of the nature of therapy with young people, as well as privacy concerns if they need to talk about things they don’t want their family to hear.

Supporting local business and
craft breweries with carry out
service!!

In case you’re not aware, this is hard for therapists! We’re holding everyone’s stress and fear for what’s going on, and trying to process our own at the same time. I’m sure I’m not alone, but I have not been coping very well. It’s been a while since I exercised and took really good care of myself, which is frustrating for me because I spent the last 5 months living in somewhat of a self-care bubble and had gotten really good at self-care! I now have about the same number of sessions per week as I did when I was just a clinician at PWC, and man is it tiring! But let me tell you a little bit about what I’ve been doing, and how I’ve been coping.

I celebrated my anniversary
of my first trip to Cuernavaca!

First and foremost, thank goodness for the cats! They have been providing so much comic relief, and something to focus on aside from how much stress is outside the door. We spend a lot of time fawning over and complaining about the kitten, and worrying about the cat (who’s in a cone, and can’t defend herself against a kitten who ALWAYS wants to play). Most of the pictures in my phone from the last month are of these cats. I’ve never been a cat person really, but I think I’m forever changed. I see their value. (But I still want a dog😉.) I’ve also been cooking more! I made cold brew coffee (because I’m finding I need that afternoon pick-me-up that I didn’t before) and some simple syrup for cocktails! I also made pizza!! Baking is not super common here, and the use of the oven required that I clean out the boric acid first. But I decided that it was necessary, and made us homemade pizza last Saturday! I also played around and made potato pancakes! They went over pretty well, and I was so happy to be cooking and experimenting in the kitchen, because if I were home/in my own apartment, you better believe my kitchen would be busy!

Keeping busy making pizza:)

I’ve been keeping busy enough. But something I keep coming back to is my family. I sure miss them. I know if I were home, I still wouldn’t be able to see everyone. And if we weren’t in a pandemic, I still wouldn’t be seeing them for a while. But it’s awfully hard to be going through such a difficult time, and feeling so far away from them. We’ve done all the zoom calls, but I am really looking forward to seeing them in real life! I’ll be going home mid-June, and I am looking forward to it!

Poor preciosa had to have a cone
for three weeks! She's feeling
better now:)

The thing I’m finding the most difficult and frustrating is how much conflict this is creating. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. This is bringing out the best of some people, but it seems like it’s bringing out the worst in others. And in some cases, there is such a lack of empathy for people, and more focus on the economy, the bottom line, and what luxuries are missing. And the risk of infection is still very high. We haven’t seen quite as much infection as we would have BECAUSE of social distancing. And it makes my heart very heavy to see people being cavalier about the effects of this virus. Being disrespectful to people that are working for essential businesses, or heaven forbid the hospitals, and not considering how much these people risk by exposing themselves every day. I hope all this is over soon. I know people need to work, and I know there are many people who are suffering major consequences of not working, of being socially isolated, or of being at home in an unsafe environment. And there’s no easy answer for what’s going on here. But be kind to each other, and put humans first, and I think we’ll get through it. I don’t want to get political or start a debate, but I have been feeling so sad and heavy, and I just wanted to share.

I love you all, and I hope you’re well. Stay safe, and take care. And feel free to reach out and chat if you’re feeling lonely! Now excuse my while I go play games over zoom😉

Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca -> Oaxaca de Juarez, Oaxaca

I’m struggling to sit down to write this post. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, both good and bad. Part of me wants to live in those amazing moments because they bring so much more joy. But then I find myself feeling a sense of longing rather than a sense of presence. While the present isn’t the most pleasant thing, I know that it’s the best place for my mind to live. So I will tell you about my adventures, because I love to share and I really did have such an incredible time in the last few weeks! But I won’t avoid talking about how difficult things are right now, and how I’m handling this worldwide crisis.

When my adventure started, COVID was starting to spread in the United States, but travel was still an option, specifically since COVID had barely touched Mexico so far. So my friends travelled as planned, and we met on the airplane in Mexico City and flew together to Puerto Escondido in the Mexican state of Oaxaca. It was the first time I’d been to the beach in Mexico!! And it was a great choice for a beach. We landed, and the weather was immediately different than what we were all used to. It is hot in Cuernavaca (and getting warmer), but it is not humid. But let me tell you…the beach is NOTHING but humidity. We had a wonderful few days together! We swam in the ocean, rode horses, and enjoyed various beverages in front of the water. Puerto Escondido is primarily a beach town. One of its beaches, Playa Zicatela, is famous for having the third best waves in the world! The area we were in was right on this beach, and it was a rather touristy part of town. Restaurants and bars lined the beach, all with outdoor seating as well as beach chairs in the sand where you could sit and order food and drinks to be brought to you. It was a wonderful break from work for me, and I took the time to disconnect from everything…work, practicing Spanish, and cultural exploration. I just wanted to sit back and enjoy the sounds of the waves, the sun, and the ocean breeze. (Things I do not enjoy about the beach…salt water, sand that sticks to your salty, sweaty body, and the moments when there is NO breeze, which was the case in our hotel room.)

We arrived Wednesday afternoon, and spent time exploring. I had some amazing shrimp for dinner, and we walked along the beach toward the center of town and found all the vendors. We had a great time walking and talking, and I was so glad to have friends with me! Thursday, we went into town to explore a bit, and then took the opportunity to relax on the beach. We stopped at a café, had lunch at the market, and walked around to explore. The afternoon at the beach was lovely. We relaxed, Claudia got her hair braided, and we sipped margaritas. Once we were done with the sun and sand, we walked back to the hotel to relax for a while before going out to the beach once again to enjoy the sunset. It was beautiful, and became a tradition of our trip. We walked along the beach, enjoying the sound of the waves and the sound of music coming from all the beach restaurants. We stopped into the last restaurant on the beach, and the ambiance was incredible. It was the perfect end to our relaxing beach day before we prepared for a day out adventuring.

Friday, we were up early and headed out with just our small group to visit the Aguas Termales. A taxi picked us up from our hotel, and we rode about 45 minutes to the small town of San Juan Manialtepec. A breakfast of quesadillas with homemade cheese, café de olla, and fried eggs on the comal was waiting for us when we arrived (along with black beans and salsa, of course). I greatly enjoyed the homecooked breakfast and hospitality, after which we were all fueled up ready for our hour-long horseback ride to the thermal springs. I had no idea what to expect, but what we found were several concrete baths of varying levels of heat, all of which smelled of sulfur and were slightly salty because the water was coming straight out of the ground. The level of heat was determined by how far away that particular bath was from the source. We spent about an hour there, and were the only ones the entire time. We went in and out of the hot-tub level pools, and I ventured into a warmer one for a few minutes just for fun. It was surprisingly refreshing, and very good for your skin. The dead skin was peeling off my arms without me doing anything (TMI…sorry) and I left my feet soaking for as long as I could to give myself something of a pedicure! It was such a fun and interesting experience, and I’m so glad that we went! I loved the horseback ride, the beauty of nature all around us (although I want to come back when it’s not dry season) and imagining myself in the old Mexican movies that Tía Berta made me watch, and imagine how life looked here 50 or 60 years ago (and maybe not too much has changed).

Friday night, we watched another sunset, walked along the beach, and repeated much of the previous nights’ activities. Playa Zicatela, the part of Puerto Escondido we were in, is a beach town, and attracts ‘surfer dudes’ from all over. The crowd here was a mix of young surfers and retirees from Canada. It was an interesting mix, but made for an eclectic experience wherever we went. This night, though, I had the most delicious fish tacos I’ve had in my life (and made a commitment the rest of the trip to only eat seafood) and Dawn took her sunset timelapse video, which was very fun to be present for! (I later learned that as a millennial with a smartphone, I could do that, too! So I took a very short timelapse of a wave. It’s exciting!!) To be honest, the evenings at the beach all blended together due to the number of times we walked up and down the same strip of beach, as well as the number of coronas, mojitos, and margaritas that were consumed. It was delightful😊

Saturday was a beach day. We went to a small cove a little bit further down from where we’d been where the waves weren’t as strong, and you could swim more safely in the water. It was definitely Saturday, because it was more crowded than it had been. But we found a spot to lay out, put on our sunscreen, and relaxed. By Saturday, to be honest, I was a little tired of the salt-water, and didn’t do much swimming, but napped a little in the sun. After less than two hours, we were all feeling burnt (despite the sunscreen…we are much closer to the sun here) and it was time to go. We caught a cab back to down and did some shopping with the vendors, and sought out some lunch, and relaxed the rest of the afternoon. Toward the evening, we did another excursion to free the turtles. There are a few places nearby to Puerto Escondido that rescue sea turtle eggs from the beach until they hatch and they can be released safely into the ocean. This sounded like the most fun to us all, and we were all excited for it! When we arrived, we went to see where the turtle eggs were, and saw the little guys that just hatched. They gave us each our own turtle to release in a dried out coconut shell (oil from our fingers is not good for the turtles) and we were given instructions about their release. It was then that they pointed out the row of seagulls lining the shore, waiting for us to release the turtles. The first battle these little guys would face was making it into the ocean before the seagulls swooped down and took them out of the water for their dinner. Somewhat traumatized and overwhelmed, we followed instructions to run up to a wave as it was coming up to shore, release the turtle into the water in such a way that the wave would immediately take them back out to sea, and then grab handfuls of sand and throw it at the seagulls that were already swooping. It was quite an intense few moments as we all began to fear for our turtles, and then began to throw sand at seagulls (which in any other context would be considered cruel). We will never know whose turtles survived, but felt good about our efforts. Saturday night then brought more beach time, and more relaxing. Claudia and I even stalked a wedding that was happening at a restaurant nearby! Very fun!

Sunday was our last full day in Puerto Escondido, and we each had a plan. I really wanted to visit a mezcalería that was close by, so that was one of our first stops. It was a small place on the side of the road, but we got to see how the mezcal is made on a small scale, both the more modern version which is distilled in copper pots, and the more traditional version which is distilled in clay pots over a wood fire. We tasted some mezcal as well as crema de maguey, and made our purchases. It was delightful, and I wanted this part of the day to last much longer (but I knew I would have more opportunities to learn about and sample mezcal on the next leg of my trip). We headed back into town, and were ready for lunch. We stopped at one of the first restaurants we went to, and then I spent the rest of the day on the beach while the girls packed and got ready for their trip home. Spending the entire afternoon on the beach by myself, with coronas being brought to me while I laid on a beach chair, I definitely had one of those grateful moments where I realized just how lucky I am and how much I’m enjoying life right now. I stayed on the beach for a while, listening to some live music and enjoying my moment, until it was time to say goodbye to the girls. I loved having them there, and it was wonderful to explore Puerto Escondido with them and enjoy the beach! But all good things must come to an end. They took their taxi, and I went out for one last drink before heading back to the hotel to pack and sleep before my bus left early the next morning.

The time I spent with Puerto Escondido was a wonderful break from reality for all of us. Over the course of the weekend, we found out that schools in Chicago were closing, and we began to feel the gravity of this situation. We spent the weekend sometimes intentionally talking about it and voicing our fears and concerns (we all happen to be therapists, so it happens) and intentionally staying away from the topic and staying in the present moment…there was nothing we could do about it now. I began to think about whether I should go straight back to Cuernavaca, or if I should just go back to Chicago all together, but the virus hadn’t reached Mexico to such a great extent quite yet, and I decided to continue my plans to go to Oaxaca. I’m grateful that I did, but it was definitely noticeably different, and my frame of mind was definitely affected.

Monday I was on the bus most of the day…what was supposed to be a 10 hour bus ride was actually almost 12, and I was ready to be there by the time we arrived. It was already dark when the bus pulled in, so I took a taxi to my Airbnb, checked in, and went somewhere close to get something to eat before I wound down to go to sleep. But I could already tell I was going to like Oaxaca. Firstly, because EVERYONE has told me that. And secondly, the ambience around the Airbnb was calm, quaint, and I walked past lots of closed coffee shops. I knew this was going to be my city😊

Tuesday was my first full day in Oaxaca, but I was back to work and so it was also FULL of appointments. I left the house early in the morning to go track down some coffee, and although many places were closed, I stumbled on what is apparently one of the best coffee roasters in the city, Café Brujula. And it was delicious! My walk back to the Airbnb was one of delight and anticipation for everything that was to come that week. The rest of the day Tuesday and all day Wednesday, I took breaks to begin exploring the city and scheduled two excursions, all the while trying to remain calm and not worry too much about the virus. I got my first taste of what it will be like to work as a therapist during this time but didn’t get to really get out to explore until Thursday afternoon. My first stop was the Temple of Saint Dominic. It is one of the main churches of the city, and was gorgeously intricate, with a museum located in the ex-monastery. It contained a lot of Oaxacan history, both indigenous and colonial, of the area. Although museums have not been my favorite part of all my adventures, I do enjoy learning about different parts of local history, and how local culture develops. The process of making mezcal is a prime example of this (more on that later)! After wandering around for a while, I found two local breweries and made some friends with the people behind the bar. If I make my way back to Oaxaca one day, I’m excited that I’ll already have some connections!

Friday was my first excursion! We went to Monte Alban first, exploring the pyramids in Oaxaca. This has been one of the most interesting things in all my visits…learning about the indigenous populations and how they differ, but also how they interacted with each other. Furthermore, how little is still known about them. It’s on my list of things to learn more about. The pyramids continue to astound me, and cause fascination with what life looked like at that time. From Monte Alban, we visited a few local artisans. Each pueblo has something that they are known for, and we visited places where they make alebrijes (wooden, painted sculptures) and black pottery. It’s fascinating watching the artisans work, and the things they produce are so beautiful! Friday night I got to get a taste of the nightlife in Oaxaca! It was much less crowded than it normally is, and we were given hand sanitizer upon entering each place. But I still had so much fun tasting mezcal, dancing, and enjoying the company of friends!

Saturday was a day to relax and enjoy the city. Many places had already started to close, so options were limited. But I had a late breakfast, did some shopping at the chocolate shops, and enjoyed the day. It was a beautiful day, and my last day in the city of Oaxaca, and I was so grateful to be here. I visited a few different places and walked around a lot, just absorbing everything I could about the city.

Sunday morning was my last day, and I packed up my suitcase and brought it with me on the excursion so that the van could drop me off at the bus station at the end. My final excursion in Oaxaca took us to another archeological site, this one in the center of town. We also visited a rug-maker and mezcal factory. Lastly, we visited Hierve de Agua, an amazing geological formation the has formed from the calcification of the water springs. I went on a nice long hike, and enjoyed the fresh air and beautiful views! It was an amazing day, but I was in my “headed home” mode and was already feeling tired, so I wasn’t totally present, honestly. But I did buy a gorgeous rug, and of course mezcal😊 I left on the evening bus and arrived back in Cuernavaca around 6am in time to take a nap before work started for the day.

The is where they roast the maguey hearts, the first step
in making mezcal:)

This trip felt insufficient to me, particularly how much time I spent in Oaxaca de Juarez. I loved every minute of it despite being clouded in the angst that was beginning to cover the globe. I hope that I can return on day and really get to know this city. I have daydreams of sitting in one of those coffee shops and relaxing and writing. And of learning more about mezcal and visiting more artisans. And perhaps coming back closer to Día de Muertos to experience the holiday. And I hope to bring you all with me! We will be able to one day, soon, I hope. In the meantime, I am staying home in Cuernavaca, respecting social distancing and taking the care that I need to in order to protect myself and others. Stay strong, everyone. I love you!!

Starting 2020 off right!

Hello again! It’s time to share another chapter of my journey. I’m continuing to learn a lot about myself, and figuring out how to navigate everything more easily. There haven’t been hard lessons per se, but they’ve certainly thrown kinks in my plans. But I’ll start at the beginning.

Since the last time we spoke, I went home for Christmas for two weeks to celebrate the holidays with my family, I came back to Cuernavaca for a few weeks, worked on building up my caseload a little bit and settled back into a routine there (including morning walks and workouts with my host mom and a thirty day yoga journey), then I left to Morelia, Michoacán for two weeks to break out of my routine, explore different parts of the country, and take the first of hopefully many trips to take advantage of my being here and having such a flexible job! Putting that all together, I can’t believe it’s only been six weeks. I feel like the last month and a half has provided me so much variety and change that it feels like each piece took up more space in my mind.

CHRISTMAS

Being back home was certainly wonderful. But it was also strange. I still worked throughout, so I was back and forth to my grandparents’ house where I could use their internet and quiet to have my therapy sessions. I also saw many family and friends, and had a wonderful time catching up with everyone. But it was strange to be back, and feel somewhat out of place. It wasn’t too cold, fortunately, but cold enough! And very busy visiting friends and family. I realized just how much STUFF I have in my room that just clutters things up and sort of created a sense of chaos for me.  I spent most of my time with my grandparents in between therapy sessions, and I am so grateful to them for letting me set up camp in the basement, and for feeding me and looking at all my pictures from Mexico! They are incredible, and I was so happy to be able to share my experiences with them. Other than holidays, work, and friends and family, I spent a lot of time being lazy!! It was a nice break, but by the end, I was ready to get back to Cuernavaca and get into a routine and start my BIG chunk of adventure.

CUERNAVACA

Arriving back in Cuernavaca, I felt like I was back home. I’ve gotten quite used to being warm most of the time, and it was good to be back in my “office” while I worked and have my own time and space back. I got into a routine with Tere going to the nearby baseball stadium and getting our exercise in the mornings! I started the 30 day yoga journey “HOME” from Yoga with Adrienne. I took on more clients to build up my caseload since I finally settled in for a while. And I walked, went to coffee shops, went to the market, and got back to regular life. January 6, I got to celebrate the Epiphany with the Rosca de Reyes. We shared the cake a few different times, and all together, I found THREE dolls…so I’ll be bringing the tamales on February 2! It’s a fun tradition, and I learned how to make the chocolate correctly, and that you HAVE to drink chocolate with the Rosca…you definitely cannot have it with coffee. I took a quick weekend trip to the Magic Town of Tepoztlan…I’ve been there before, but it’s such a nice place to check out and relax. It’s busy and crowded usually, but I took an afternoon to travel to a smaller down up the mountain, San Juan Tlacotenco, and hiked on a less popular trail. It was wonderful to get outside and enjoy the views and the fresh air. I’m so happy that I made that trip! However, the highlight of these few weeks was bringing home a new kitten!! Jorge picked him up a few days before I left for Morelia, and he was just the MOST fun to play with and snuggle and watch as he figured out how to walk and run and explored around the house. (I can’t wait to get back and play with him and see how much he’s grown!)

MORELIA, MICHOACÁN

After settling back into Cuernavaca, I began planning my trip to Michoacán. Why Michoacán?? I really don’t know…it seemed like a good place to start. It’s close enough to Cuernavaca that I could take a couple-week trip, and if it was terrible, I could go back easily! Also, the BUTTERFLIES!!! I don’t know if you knew this, but the monarch butterflies hibernate in the mountains of Michoacán in the winter. There are THOUSANDS of butterflies in sanctuaries across eastern Michoacán and western Mexico State. So I settled on Morelia, the capital city of Michoacán, and found an Airbnb near the town center, and was off! I planned a two week trip, but didn’t have too much more of a plan aside from that! I arrived at 8am Saturday, January 18 after an overnight bus trip. And it was so cold!! I wandered around the city for a while (it was not really ‘open’ yet) until I was able to enter my Airbnb. I was quite tired, so aside from wander around the streets and begin to learn the layout of the city, I didn’t do much. But this city is so beautiful!! The city center is completely made up of 16^th and 17^th century Baroque architecture so you just feel like you’ve gone back in time. Many of the buildings have been preserved inside as well, so walking through the museums and restaurants and even businesses you can see the remnants of that era. There are lots of churches, ex-convents, and wealthy peoples’ homes that make up the downtown streets. Sunday I walked around a little more, and made my way down one street to the aqueduct that is still standing! This is quite a famous structure around Mexico, and speaks to the uniqueness of this town and how it came to be. I also wandered through a few museums about Jose Maria Morelos y Pavon, the namesake of this town (and the state in which Cuernavaca resides). He was born here, and was a hero of the Mexican Revolution. Walking around his birthplace and home, I resolved to learn more about that part of Mexican history to understand a little more about how this country evolved.

Once Monday began, I got to work, setting up a small office space for myself inside my bedroom at the Airbnb, and was pretty busy with sessions. By the time I finished with sessions Thursday afternoon, I was feeling VERY isolated, and was ready to get out and talk to people! I got back on Tinder (I know, Mom!) and was able to match with a few people that I could hang out with and take suggestions from about what to do and where to go in Morelia. This two-week trip was really a lesson in how to make friends and find a balance between spending time with people and spending time alone. Sometimes I just need to talk!! So I ended up having a good night socializing a little bit! Then Friday I had my favorite day of these two weeks…I went on a tour to view the Monarch butterflies! We took a few hour drive into the mountains, originally the territory of the Purepecha indigenous group and still the home of many from this group, and arrived at the Santuario Rosario. Just being up in the mountains, with blue skies and fresh air, away from city sounds and smells, was an incredible experience. There was a chill in the air, but the sun was shining strong. Our group, led by Giovanni, rode horses up the mountain, then walked a little further (very quietly, so as not to disturb the monarchs) to see the thousands of monarchs hanging in the trees all around. They weren’t too close, but you could see what looked like some type of sack hanging off different places on the pine trees…this was the butterflies, hanging off the trees and off each other. When the sun was bright, more butterflies would begin to fly around, but when the clouds thickened a bit, they slowed down and closed up to keep warm. It was an incredible sight, and the pictures don’t do it justice. After a while looked at the butterflies, we hiked back down the mountain to the parking lot. The hike was just as wonderful as the horse ride up, with plenty of time to stop and look around, and breath in the mountain air and look at all the plants and trees that were around. When we got back down to the parking lot, we sat and ate at one of the small kitchens, and I tried some blue tortillas! Delicious! After sitting and enjoying the afternoon sun for a while, we loaded back into the van and headed back down the mountain back to Morelia. With one more stop at an overlook with the most incredible view (I seriously just wanted to stay there forever) we made it back to Morelia, and I went back to the Airbnb to prepare for the next day’s adventure. (After visiting, I learned that there is actually a lot of illegal logging that takes place in this area, and environmentalists risk their lives to protect this land. One of the leaders of this movement was missing while I was there, and his body was just found. Take a look at this article to learn more.)

Saturday, I was very excited to go off on my own. A few people gave me some tips about how to get to Pátzcuaro, the Pueblo Mágico closest to Morelia, and things that I should do there. When I arrived, I went straight to the lake, and they had boats that took you to the island. This was so fun!! I loved being on the water and listening to the live music that was being played for entertainment on the boat. We arrived at Janitzio, a little island in the middle of the lake, and I began climbing! There’s a walkway that takes you straight up the little hill that is the island, up to the statue of Morelos at the top. It cost 10 pesos to enter the monument area, and then you are able to climb up the center of the statue to his fist, and look out over the lake. It was quite fun! After an elote and Jarra Loca and some time enjoying the views, I started back down to the water, but I took the long way, walking around the perimeter of the island, away from all the artisan vendors, and took in some more quiet sights. It was getting to be later in the afternoon, and I wanted to see Patzcuaro, too, so I boarded the boat to go back to the mainland, and took the bus to the center of Patzcuaro. They have a gorgeous plaza, and lots of nice restaurants surrounding. I didn’t have much time here, but I knew I could come back another day. So I ate dinner, and then headed back down to the taxis back to Morelia. Saturday evening, I attended the show at the Cathedral. Every Friday night, La Leyenda de la Catedral is put on at the cathedral. It’s a light and firework show that I HAD to see. It was very brief, but so fun! The street was shut down in front of the cathedral, with couples, families, and friends anticipating the show. All the lights shut down leading up to 9pm, and then over the loudspeaker, a voice shares details about the cathedral itself, and then a song begins about Morelia and the cathedral, with the accompanying fireworks and light show. It was very fun, and after a long couple days, I was glad to go home to bed rather quickly, as the show was brief.

Sunday I left on another tour, and by then I was feeling quite tired. I tagged along on another groups tour, and we went to Tingambato, an archeological site, Parque Nacional E. Ruiz, and stopped in Lake Zirahuen for a late lunch before returning back to Morelia. The archeological site was interesting, and I learned it’s one of MANY in Michoacán, the majority of which are yet uncovered. The national park was gorgeous, preserved natural springs and waterfalls, as well as some manmade structures which direct the water in certain ways, allowing for photo ops and fun sights and sounds. It was crowded, but very beautiful! Finally, lunch at the peaceful Lake Zirahuen brought the day together. I tried small breaded fish called charalitos, and although they were not my preference, I didn’t get sick!! It was a victory considering the last two times I ate something crunchy like that! It was a very peaceful place, and I later learned that you can go kayaking on this lake! So I decided I wanted to come back…more on that later! Sunday night, I just relaxed once again and got ready for the workweek, and soaked in all the adventure. Honestly, I was pretty ready to go back to Cuernavaca at this point, but I rededicated myself to experiencing as much as I could while I was here, and made a plan to gather more information throughout the week so that I could take advantage of the following weekend.

The workweek was slow. After a busy day Monday, I had a lot of downtime the rest of the week. I was able to take advantage of the downtime and do some of the shopping that I wanted to do in Morelia before I left. I also was able to hunt down information about how to get back to Lake Zirahuen on my own. And when I say hunt down, I really mean it! It was hard to find people who knew how to get there using buses or colectivos, but eventually I was able to get the information I needed and prepared myself for Friday. I really enjoyed the week overall, because I got to walk around the city quite a bit searching for this information, and I spent some time just sitting and reading in the plaza as well. I was grateful for this mental break and downtime, and that I could get out of my room.

On Thursday, I decided to head back to Patzcuaro after my therapy sessions that day. I took my time looking through the shops and visiting the churches and ex-convents – this town has similar architecture to Morelia – and made a few purchases from the artisans (cloth napkins were my favorite purchase…I know I’ll use them and they are so fun and colorful – and I met the artisan himself!). It was a relaxing day, followed by a quick trip to sample some local craft beer in Morelia. Friday morning I headed out to Patzcuaro once again, with a final destination of Lake Zirahuen. After all the different transfers to different buses, the trip took about three hours. I didn’t know exactly where I was going in Lake Zirahuen, so I asked someone on the bus who lives there if she knew where I could rent a kayak. She told me where to get off the bus, and at this point I was feeling so many things: stress at the long trip, anxiety at catching the bus back and not leaving too late, and a little trepidation about being in a small town that’s exactly touristy at this time of year. I stopped into a small restaurant on the side of the road, and the owner talked with me for a while and made me some tostadas de pescado. He told me where to go to rent a kayak, and I nervously set out, with a plan to return to this restaurant to pay the man, because he couldn’t break my 500 peso bill and that’s all I had! I walked along the road, keeping an eye on the lake, and found someone who had some kayak, but the real shallow ones that you ride on top. It wasn’t exactly warm out, and I would have gotten very wet, so he took me out on a rowboat instead so I could float around for a bit. As much as this wasn’t the experience I really wanted (I really wanted to be out on the lake alone) I very much appreciated the beauty of the lake and the mountains in the background, and the quiet time that this little town offered. After a just-long-enough boat ride, I sat on the dock for a while, then made my way back to the restaurant (having broken my big bill) and paid the owner and sat for a while until the bus came. After a somewhat emotionally tense day, I was on my way back to Patzcuaro, then Morelia, to enjoy the evening with a friend and decompress. But thank goodness, I was able to decompress…we went dancing!! The place we went played Cumbia, which is probably something I have danced the least, so he taught me how to dance and we had a great time! It ended up being a really great day in spite of my emotional state.

So now it’s Saturday. I am travelled out. My bus doesn’t leave Morelia until 10:45 tonight, so I could have done something more today, but I just don’t have the emotional energy. So here I am, sitting in a coffee shop, and taking the opportunity to process my trip. All in all, I think it was a good first trip. I learned a lot, and I will definitely do things a little differently next time, but I did have such a good time, and I feel great that I took the opportunity to venture around.

LESSONS LEARNED

When I first came to Mexico back in October, I intended to stay in Cuernavaca for a month or two, but then move to a different state each month to really have time to get to know as much as I could. I changed my plan, and I am SO GLAD that I did. After two weeks in a new place, I am so ready to go back to something I know is comfortable for me with people that I feel very comfortable with. And if I didn’t have that, I don’t think I would make it…I would be booking a flight back home. But Cuernavaca has become home, and I’m so grateful for the people that make it that way! All in all, I am not cut out for being an ungrounded traveler. In these two weeks, I felt very disconnected, and my go-to reaction to that is to keep to myself and stay in my room. That’s not a very good way to get more comfortable, but that’s my reaction. I did yoga every day, which helped me connect with myself and not go to crazy, but not being able to really cook for myself, getting comfortable with a new living space with new people and a new kitchen, and getting used to a new city and figuring out where to exercise, grocery shop, etc. offered quite the challenge. It was easy enough to exercise, but I only did it once. It was hard for me to get up in the morning, and I found that I was very tired much of the time. I also didn’t plan my time very well. Ultimately, two weeks was too long. I would have been better off going for two full weekends and just one week in between, but not knowing what to expect and not doing very much research beforehand, I tried to give myself enough time, and didn’t use it wisely. Another lesson…I don’t like tours. My trip to the butterfly sanctuary was amazing, but the trip to the national park and Tingambato was less so. I enjoy myself much more when I can go at my pace and take my time with things, exploring what I find interesting, and leaving behind what I don’t. That said, some things are very difficult to get to by public transit (which I learned on my Lake Zirahuen adventure) and its very nice to be on a tour with a guide that can navigate everything and share about the surroundings. All in all, some experiences are better with a tour, some are better alone, and sometimes you just need to spread out the adventures because you’ll feel overwhelmed regardless! Again, we come back to research. Researching beforehand what experiences you’d like to have, and then figuring out which are feasible through personal travel and which are best on a guided tour may be a better way to prepare and get the most out of your trip. Finally, CHECK THE WEATHER. For the record, I DID!! But I didn’t pay attention to the lows overnight, just that it got up to 70 during the day. And my Airbnb was not very warm. So sometimes I stayed in my room and didn’t want to go out at night because it was just too darn cold, and because I tried to pack light, I didn’t have the clothes I needed to make myself more comfortable. This is something that would have made my entire trip MUCH more enjoyable. Lastly, making friends through Tinder turned out to be very effective for me, but I can see how that might not work out the same every time. Overall, next time I would like to prepare more for the trip, have the least amount of workdays possible in a new place, and be more disciplined in getting up and exercising in the morning rather than hiding in bed, and packing adequately for unpredictable weather.

If you’re still reading, you’re so sweet!! I didn’t think I needed to blog so frequently, but apparently I have a lot to say. Overall, this adventure is still such a good thing for me, and I’m having an amazing, eye opening experience as I learn more about myself and about Mexico. And my Spanish is getting SO much better!! I don’t know what’s next for me in life yet, but I’m going to Mexico City next weekend, and meeting Dawn and Claudia in Oaxaca in March. Other than that, I’ll just keep trucking!! I’ll see you all in April when I’m back in the states for Erica’s wedding. I love you all and thank you times a million for all the support, interest in what I’m doing, and the ongoing thoughts and prayers. I feel them! Reach out to me!! I would love to hear from you. Have a great February💗

Staying Present

I’m 2 months and 2 days in. I can’t believe it. I’m coming to the end of 2019, and reflecting on my resolutions from last year. I had several goals I wanted to accomplish…leaving PWC being one of them…but really had no idea that I would be here. I still have panicked thoughts every other day or so about what on earth I’m doing and if this is right for me, but there are SSOOOO many things in my life that make those thoughts disappear. So here I’ll stay, at least until the next wedding (in April) and use that as an opportunity to re-evaluate (at least that’s the plan).

The last month has been interesting for me. I left off last having given my talk at the university, and so much has happened since then! I’ve made some friends and made Cuernavaca home. I’ve done some travelling, and have also focused on work a lot, building my caseload and learning how to approach clients on this type of platform. I really enjoy it actually…I can create my own schedule and communicate with clients throughout the week. I still need to build up my caseload a bit, but I actually like this way of providing therapy.

Now on to the fun stuff! In November, I went on a trip with the university students to Taxco. I’d been there before in April and LOVED it, and was excited for the chance to go again. I had a great time, and made a friend from Chicago that is staying here for a while! It was great to have a friend to travel around with!! Taxco is such a beautiful city, and it was wonderful to spend time there again. We went to visit the caves nearby, and then walked all the way up to the statue of Jesus (who had his hands replaced!!) to look at the views and definitely get some exercise. Then walked back down to the town center, ate lunch on a terrace, and went to take a lift to the top of the adjacent hill and looked down at all the lights of the city. It was really beautiful (and not at all scary😉). It was great to be there again and remember how much I loved it the first time, and how glad I am that I’m here.

 

The gratitude kept coming for Thanksgiving. The weekend before, I asked for help in organizing Thanksgiving dinner for my “family” here and they graciously obliged! With some help, I made chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, green beans, and pumpkin pie! One of my favorite things is sharing food with others, and I’m so grateful that my family here allowed me to do that. We all went around and said what we were grateful for, and I could not have been happier!!!! I am so truly grateful for the family that I’m staying with. They have been so incredibly kind, and are such beautiful people. I really feel so welcomed, and am amazed at how gracious they are welcoming people into their home. And I frequently think about how lucky I am that I was placed here back in April. I don’t think my experience would have been the same without them, and I’m grateful every day!

For actual Thanksgiving, I planned a trip to Puebla for the weekend. I was SO excited to head out on my first trip alone, overnight, to visit a new city. I was very prepared, with my reservation at a hostel and a few recommendations and not very many other plans besides that!! Sadly, my story takes a turn, and the weekend did not go as planned. I wanted to be adventurous, and so when the waiter brought me crickets on a tortilla chip at the restaurant on Thursday, I was excited to try it! Then came the mole sampler, which was delicious. But one of these things did not agree with me, and I was uncomfortable the rest of the weekend, spending most of Saturday in bed. Another trip to Puebla is in order, as I didn’t get to do everything that I wanted. But I will say this about Puebla…it was so beautiful. The area I was in near the center and the cathedral seemed so lively and fun, and artistry of the city, using a lot of Talavera, was absolutely gorgeous. I bought myself a few Christmas presents from here! I would love to go back and explore more, and experience the energy that I witnessed. I plan on creating an opportunity for myself to do this trip again!

Coming back from Puebla, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t feeling great. I was questioning a lot about why I was here, and if I had the energy and gumption to keep going. Y’all, when you’re in a tight spot, talk to someone!! There was a part of me that wanted to figure things out for myself, but I reached out to a few people who I trusted to talk me through things, and I’m so glad I did!! With as much journaling and processing that I’m doing, there’s still something about talking through things with a friend that just changes everything. And I think that sometimes, we need to STOP thinking and just enjoy the present! (Side note: I’ve been leaning into the meditation thing, and I love it and I’m so not good at it…YET). So that’s what I did!! The weekend was restorative for me in many ways, and I got myself back on track.

Following Puebla, I took a few day trips with my friend from Chicago! We went to Tepoztlán, where I had been before and so was just able to relax and enjoy myself. And then to Xochicalco to walk through some pyramid ruins. The indigenous history is celebrated in this country in such a beautiful way that I’ve never experienced in the US. I know it’s not always like that, and there’s plenty of conflict and prejudice, but even to be able to walk through the remnants of a civilization that existed right here in this continent 1300 years ago was incredible. We learned a little about Native American history in school growing up, but to place such an emphasis on it and learn so much about how the groups interacted with each other, etc, is incredible. There are so many different archeological sites in Mexico, and I’m really interested in visiting more.

So now I’m getting ready to head back to Wisconsin for two weeks for the holidays, and I think I’m in the perfect position. I’m so excited to go back, see my family, and snuggle the pups by the fire. And I’m also so excited to come back, plan more trips, hopefully host some family and friends, and continue my adventure! Hopefully there will be a lot more to share in the coming months! (PS…sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough, and that I’m not taking advantage of my time here. But whoa, have I done a lot in the last 6 weeks…still working on the mindfulness/meditation thing!)

First steps...

Hi friends!

So, I’ve been in Cuernavaca now for just over three weeks. I haven’t written yet because I really haven’t done all that much outside of making this feel like my normal life. I have some observations that I’d like to share, but first I’ll talk about the fun stuff!

I’ve taken a couple days since I’ve been here exploring around Cuernavaca. I went to the Robert Brady museum, ate lunch near the Cathedral, and went to a movie and enjoyed a glass of wine. I spent another day at a small festival celebrating Día de Muertos, and exploring that neighborhood a bit. I have a strong extroverted tendency, so it’s been strange spending so much time by myself, but I’ve chatted with some people along the way. At the same time, it’s been so peaceful and wonderful to enjoy my days in this beautiful country, just soaking in the warm weather, views, and some nature. I can’t wait to explore more.

I’ve also been working on building a normal life here. I went to the market to buy produce and cooked for myself a few times. I took my clothes to the laundromat – then looked for a new laundromat when they forgot my clothes TWICE. I’ve been to a few coffee shops, and have gone to them to do some of my work prepping for my presentation (this is the thing that makes me feel the most normal). I’ve gone for a few runs (lots of hills…not used to it yet) and done yoga quite a bit. I even found a bar I like that serves a lot of Craft Beer, and made a few friends there! All this is making me feel like I could build a life here for a year or so, and I love that feeling!

Now for the deeper stuff😉…

The first is that I think I have never been so focused on my mental health. I have been in therapy for long periods at a time, and definitely worked on my mental health, but it was one thing among many others taking my focus. I only have myself to focus on right now, and that’s been both extremely helpful and difficult at the same time. There’s nowhere to hide from my emotions, so I’ve had to confront them right away. And to seek support from my immediate surroundings, I’ve had to try to express myself in Spanish, adding to the challenge. But it’s also been very helpful. I have journaled more in the last month than I have in my life, and I’m not finding myself confused about how I feel or distracted by other priorities in my life. It’s liberating! What’s been the hardest is just to be patient while things unfold. I am not a naturally patient person, so to remain calm and mindful while waiting for certain things to fall into place has been a challenge. I’ve oscillated between joy, anxiety, loneliness and isolation, love and warmth, independence, peace, support and encouragement, confidence, and pride. I’ve tried to be a sponge just soaking up as much information and experience as I can, while being mindful about how I’m feeling and adjusting to take care of my needs. And so far, I think it’s been going well! I feel VERY good about where I am right now, I’m learning to be patient, but to also ask for/take action to meet my needs.

One huge stressor for me was also the primary reason I came here when I did. I was invited to give a talk at a conference for university students. I had never given a professional talk before, and was feeling insecure professionally. In addition, the talk was to be in Spanish! Much of what I’ve focused on in the last three weeks was working on my presentation, talking with people that gave me suggestions about what to discuss, and feeling anxious about how it would go. I gave my talk on Tuesday this week, and it was amazing! My Spanish could have been better, I could have been more prepared in some areas, I could have done things differently. But I really loved it. I loved sharing my experience. I loved taking a risk and shining some light on a topic that these students didn’t know very much about. And I loved that I could communicate all that in Spanish. I definitely know some things I’d do differently next time, but it was a great experience. And I’m incredibly grateful for the invitation, and for my peers and friends that helped me succeed! I also attended the rest of the conference, and did my best to absorb everything, understand the other talks, and work on my comprehension. It was a wonderful and exhausting two days!

I’m also working again! I started working for Betterhelp, an online counseling platform, which allows users to access mental health services in a way that best fits into their lives. It feels so good to be working again! I didn’t realize how much I missed this in my life, but I think I was feeling like I was in a bubble before, first in Wisconsin and then here, while I was waiting for things to come together. But once they did, I got started with a few clients, then a few more, had a few live sessions, and now it’s beginning to feel normal again. Rebuilding a caseload is interesting, after I’ve been working so long with many of the same people. But I’m feeling more confident by the day, and adjusting to the differences in an online platform. I’d recommend it to colleagues if you’re looking to have some additional income and experience with this type of platform. I’d also recommend the services to any of you or your friends who feel like you might benefit from mental health services, but don’t want to/are not able to go to an office and hour a week.

Thank you for listening, and for giving me so much love and support. This already has been such a formative experience for me, and I know it will continue. I love you all so much, and am so grateful for every call, text, and email checking on me and making me feel like I can do this. Next week I’m headed to Florida for Sean and Robert’s wedding, and I couldn’t be more excited to see some friends!! And then return back to Cuernavaca to begin some travelling and real exploration. I can’t wait to see what the next few months bring, and I will definitely continue to update you along the way.

Also, I’m very sorry for the cold. I am not jealous😉

Love, Becky

PS...if anyone is good at formatting blog posts and can help me fix the layout of the pictures, hit me up!